How can i help

I think my friend may be injuring him/herself but I am not sure. How should I bring it up?

Suspecting, but not being sure, that your friend is injuring him/herself is a difficult situation to be in. Friends often worry about raising a clearly Uncomfortable topic, risking their friend’s anger or defensiveness, or somehow violating a friend’s trust. However, it is important to remember that you may be instrumental in helping your friend get the help he/she needs. Remember, ignoring it won’t help at all. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Don’t be afraid to talk.
Studies show that individuals who self-injure wish that someone would raise the subject – even though it is uncomfortable. Even if your friend reacts angrily or Defensively at first, it is important to keep doors to communication open.

Set aside a time for a private meeting With your friend.
Do not approach your friend in a social situation (such as at school) or in a place that will have a lot of distractions.

Show “respectful curiosity”
By inviting your friend to speak freely about his or her experiences. You can do this by asking questions such as “how does injuring help you feel better?”, “are there things that really trigger you to injure?” Not only does this allow your friend to talk about his or her relationship with self-injury while you fully listen, it can help you understand what he/she is going through and about the role self-injury plays in your friend’s life.

Share your concern with your friend
By sharing what you have noticed and telling him/her that you are concerned. Let your friend know you want him/her to talk to you so you can help. Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about your friend’s self-injury.

Understand that you can’t cause your friend to begin self-injuring By raising the subject.
If you bring it up and your friend isn’t self-injuring, He or she won’t start just because you said something about it. Remind your friend that if he/she ever has a problem in the future, you will be there to help.

Let them know that you won’t judge them.
It’s also important to not show pity, as this can be demeaning, too. Be empathetic and open – listen and try to understand.

Don’t promise to keep secrets
About your friend’s self-injury, or promise not to tell anyone who would assist your friend in getting treatment. Making a promise such as this could put you in a difficult position.
If your friend still will not talk to you, let him/her know that whenever he/she is ready, he/she can come to you for support. Encourage your friend to talk to someone else if he/she doesn’t feel comfortable talking with you.

How do I best help my friend?

Be there to talk with your friend when he/she needs it.
You want your friend to know that you support him/her. The more clearly you define the ways in which you are willing to help your friend, the more helpful and consistent you will be. You will also find that maintaining clear, consistent and predictable boundaries in terms of your availability will enable you to avoid feeling overwhelmed or manipulated.

Educate yourself about self-injury.
The more you know, the better equipped you will be to help your friend. You’ve already taken this step by coming to our website!

Encourage your friend to speak
With a parent, teacher, mental health professional or another trusted adult. You can offer to go with your friend to get help or talk to someone for him/her.

Help your friend find alternatives to self-injury.
You can find some really useful ones by going to our coping page.

Support positive steps.
Anything your friend does towards getting help should be positively reinforced such as, “I’m glad that you went and spoke to someone.”

Carry on normal activities.
Don’t let this revelation about your friend change how you interact – that will only serve to turn him/her off to getting help.