Self Harm ireland - Information for parents

Information For Parents

What you need to know about self-injury

Discovering Self-Injury

How do I know if my child is self-injuring?

Many adolescents who self-injure do so in secrecy and this secrecy is often the clearest red flag that something is wrong. Although it is normal for adolescents to pull away from parents during times of high involvement with friends or stress, it is not normal for adolescents to be withdrawn, physically and Emotionally, for long periods of time.

It is also important to note that not all people who self-injure become distant and withdrawn—youth who put on a happy face, even when they do not feel happy, may also be at risk for self-injury or other negative coping behaviours. Some other signs include:

Cut or burn marks on arms, legs, and abdomen

Discovery of hidden razors, knives, other sharp objects and rubber bands (which may be used to increase blood flow or numb the area)

Spending long periods of time alone, particularly in the bathroom or bedroom

Wearing clothing inappropriate for the weather, such as long sleeves or pants in hot weather

Opening the Lines of Communication

How should I talk to my child about his/her self-injury?

Address the issue as soon as possible. Don’t presume that your child will simply “outgrow” the behaviour and that it will go away on its own. (Though keep in mind this can and does happen for some young people–some do mention “outgrowing” their self-injury. This typically occurs because they learn more adaptive ways of coping).

Try to use your concern in a constructive way, by helping your child realize the impact of his/her self-injury on themselves and others.

It is most important to validate your child’s feelings. Remember that this is different from validating the behaviour. – Parents must first make eye contact and be respectful listeners before offering their opinion – Speak in calm and comforting tones – Offer reassurance – Consider what was helpful to you as an adolescent when experiencing emotional distress

If your child does not want to talk, do not pressure Him/her. Self-injury is a very emotional subject and the Behaviour itself is often an indication that your child has Difficulty verbalizing his/her emotions.